ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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