I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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