she woke up with a sticky ear
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
