worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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