after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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