That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
