this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Randomize
