Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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