is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Randomize
