I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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