recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
