even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
