that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
