Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
