"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
