I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Randomize
