Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
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