you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
