somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Randomize
