its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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