So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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