i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I just gargled with NyQuil
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
