she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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