At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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