Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
