All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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