We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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