when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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