If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
