Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I came so hard my ears popped.
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