The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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