I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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