bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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