Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
