I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
