I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
