we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
