I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
