it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
