Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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