i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
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There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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