I think i peed on brittanys purse
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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