One girl and one boy is just not enough.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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