Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
