Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
