I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Randomize
