he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Randomize
