I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
