he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
