it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
