the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
