Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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