I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
