do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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