like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
We need to rekindle our bromance
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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