whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize