I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Randomize
