i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
