The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
please don't ironically join a cult
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