Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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