Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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