please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
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i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost the right to judge tonight
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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