I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
