So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
