Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
