you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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