dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
