well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize