I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
its liver damage thursday
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
