Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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